To review, you should start giving your children an allowance as soon as they can count money, usually at four or five years old. Your sole purpose in providing an allowance is to give your children an opportunity to build money skills. Allowance should not be tied to chores. They get an allowance because they’re part of the household; they do chores because they’re part of the household. When it comes to allowance, you get to make the rules and enforce them. You may have values about money that you want your kids to learn. I’ll share what has worked in my house for years.

My son and daughter get an allowance every week, like a paycheck. They receive a dollar for every year of their age — at age 7 they get $7, at age 9 they get $9, and so on. This may seem like a lot of money. Keep reading.

From that amount, my kids are required to give 10%  to charity and put 20% in long-term savings. They get to spend the remaining 70% pretty much as they wish. They have individual places to put this money. For years, we used a divided piggy bank. Coffee cans work just as well. Now we use storage containers. Every week they get an envelope with all their money with the denominations available to make the allocations. You’ll need to help them when they’re young to count and sort the money — it’s a great coin identification and math exercise.

An important note: Make sure they physically handle the money, especially when they’re young, and make them count money when they pay you back for something you bought for them at the store. You want them to have a real life experience of receiving money and watching it leave their hands. We handle actual money so rarely in our society these days. For the longest time, my kids thought that if you needed cash you just went to the ATM and got some. They had no idea that you had to put money in to get money out. So make this reality of having money come into their possession and leave it a part or your kids’ early lives, so they can transfer that experience to the non-cash-oriented world when they’re older.

With all that cash burning a hole in their pockets, sooner or later your children will want to go shopping. Take them, allowing for a significant amount of time to shop, especially early on. You want to make sure they have time to walk all the aisles, pick a variety of things, put them back, choose something else, etc. But leave their money at home. Pay for their purchase yourself, then have them pay you back when you get home. This avoids a lost money crisis and allows for experiences with sales tax, how credit cards work, paying someone back, making change, etc.

Here’s the real trick:  Do NOT judge what they buy. You can set rules and constraints, but after that, hands off. For instance, I didn’t allow my kids to buy toy guns or candy. Sometimes I will put the kibosh on yet another oversized stuffed animal. After that, they can pretty much get whatever they want. This will take much discipline on your part, but I promise it will be worth it.

This plan has incredible beauty that I never saw coming. More on that next time. In the meantime, get your envelopes ready!

The financial planner in this story goes on to explain to his fellow passenger that it’s not the money you need to pass down, but the skills and values that have helped you build wealth. Money can disappear overnight, especially in the hands of those who have no skills to manage it. The old adage applies: Give people a fish and they will eat for a day. Teach them to fish, and they’re fed for life.

I’m a huge advocate of giving children an allowance for this very reason. As a general parenting philosophy, I believe it’s important to let kids have age-appropriate opportunities to screw up when the stakes are low. Direct experience and its consequences are the best teachers. I’d rather my daughter learn that it’s not such a great idea to put the heaviest block on the top of the tower when she’s three years old than wait until she’s 15, when I need her to stack the dishes in the cupboard. It’s the same with money: You want your kids to learn early.

Here’s another belief of mine: We don’t know what’s “sticking” in our children’s brains. Think about it. Memory is such a subjective and selective thing. Almost everyone has a lesson they learned about money that stuck with them. Most of us heard a parent or influential adult say something about money that influenced our beliefs about it, like “money doesn’t grow on trees.” The best thing you can do for your kid(s) is to let them have lots of opportunities to form their own beliefs about money — for example, not spending more than you have, avoiding deficit spending, delaying gratification — so they can form good money habits early. These are crucial life skills, and they don’t get built through our lectures.

I don’t claim to be an expert in this area. Most of my training has come from financial counselor Kathryn Amenta and from my son and daughter, who have been receiving an allowance since the oldest turned five. I encourage all my clients to give their kids an allowance, even if they are much older than that. Better to learn hard money lessons as late as college than when they get their first real paycheck.

How to make it work? Stay tuned.